Insane

Today's Mood: overwhelmed. Today's Music: Linkin Park. Today's Writing: IFFY. Today's Quote:

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First day back to work with students. First off, let me just say that 5:30 a.m. is so NOT morning. It is the freaking middle of the night! When my alarm went off I couldn't help but think that just as early as the morning before, I could have rolled over and got another 3 1/2 hours of sleep!

The library is hot, dusty, and so not ready for operations as normal. No email or Internet is a good thing when I'm suppose to be writing though. Unfortunately I sat and did more stressing over the scene than actually writing. This is the scene that was killing me before I took a break to go camping. So maybe that's why the break lasted as long as it did!

I need to move on in a big way. Just start a new scene or something. Maybe I should just skip the scene altogether. Cut it out. But...but....

Gahhhhh! I can't think anymore. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow will be better. Right?

Fall Goal

Today's Mood: Purposeful. Today's Music: Alan Parson's Project. Today's Writing: If defined broadly, IFFY. Today's Quote:

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It's back to school time. The end of long summer days that stretch out in front of me, full of potential for writing, painting, drawing, playing in the waves, riding my bike, and all sorts of other no doubt wonderful things. I'll miss that--the potential, the possibilities that exist. Each day I'd wake up and lie in bed, spinning out a colorful tapestry in my mind of all the adventures waiting for me. Yeah, most of the time real life interfered and I'd end out cleaning or taking my kids to the dentist, but oh, just the freedom of possibilities!

However, there is one good thing about summer's end; I actually attempt to accomplish all the things I meant to do in June and July--and put off. Why, this last week I got more projects crossed off my list than I did the whole rest of the summer. And I have to remind myself that life doesn't end just because I go back to work. It speeds up (which is scary since the whole dang summer went by so fast it was a rainbow-colored blur!), but it doesn't mean I can't do the things that feed me--one of them being writing.

In fact, routine is good for writing, good for me anyway. I go to work early and write. And to teachers, the start of the school year is like New Year's Day--we make our resolutions or goals for the upcoming school year. So this school year, 2010/2011, I aim to finish my rough draft of IFFY. I'm even going to turn the screws a little tighter and say that I aim to finish my rough draft in 2010.

There. I said it. I blogged it. And thus it is official.


Now I just have to do it.

Test

I am at such a loss with blogs, but I am determined not to let this gremlin win. This is a test blog entry to see if I know what I'm doing.

Process

Today's Mood: Relaxed. Today's Music: Lifehouse. Today's Writing: IFFY. Today's Quote:

"I would write a book, or a short story, at least three times--once to understand it, the second time to improve the prose, and a third to compel it to say what it still must say. Somewhere I put it this way: first drafts are for learning what one's fiction wants him to say. Revision is one of the exquisite pleasures of writing: 'The men and things of today are wont to lie fairer and truer in tomorrow's meadow,' Henry Thoreau said." -Bernard Malamud

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Peninsula Writers' summer conference was all about process. Mary Ann Samyn, the keynote speaker, said "I write every day, but I define writing very broadly." She spoke of process as 'paying attention'. Noticing everything--even all the little things that make up a day, like folding laundry and mowing the lawn. What smells are associated with those tasks? What emotions? So often we go through life on autopilot, just doing our chores, our business without really thinking about it. As writers we need to PAY ATTENTION. Mary Ann said it helps her to think of the day as "on loan".

I like this idea. Somehow it makes the day seem a bit different--special somehow. And it certainly makes me notice things more. It reminds me of when my car was in the shop and they gave me a loaner car. I still did my regular errands--work, picking up kids, going to the grocery store--but it was different. Even the kids payed more attention to the way the car felt, sounded, smelled. I was more intentional about things. Intention is defined as "done by intention or design. Intent = directed with keen attention. If I go about my day with intention, I am keenly aware of everything. The same follows if I go about my writing with intention.

The other thing that struck me about Mary Ann's talk on Process, was her comment that writers need to stay "crouched down" by their writing. We need to stay close to the writing. Even when it gets tough. Especially when it is tough. Going back to her definition of writing, I don't think that means I need to keep hammering away at the keyboard even when it isn't working--at least, not always. Sometimes the 'butt in chair' method does work for me. But there are other ways of remaining "crouched down". (Isn't that a great phrase? Gives me such a good picture.)

Samyn said she takes her writing with her wherever she goes. Literally. She prints off the poem she is working on and takes it with her--to get her oil changed. To work. Wherever. That way she can keep working on it even when she isn't actively writing it. Helps to have a pen or pencil with you as well.

Mary Ann also reads it aloud. Again and again. Hence the idea of taking it with you wherever you go. Listen to how it sounds. What pictures does your brain display as it hears the words, the story? Somehow the words change when they are spoken. A weird alchemy occurs. I have experienced this with my small writing group--when I read my piece of writing out loud to them, I catch things I didn't before. Knowing that they are listening makes me hear it different. That's why my small writing group is such an important part of my process.

So, where does that leave us? I've heard the writing process defined in a lot of different ways. Some have worked for me, some have not. The older (and better, I hope) I get, the more I realize how each person's writing process is unique. Do you like Mary Ann's definition of "paying attention"? How would you define it?

Most of all--keep writing!

Debriefing the writing process

Today's Mood: a tad high-strung. Today's Music: nothing. Today's Writing: nothing. Today's Quote:

"Remember, you are the creator of your own life story." -Don Miguel Ruiz, Don Jose Ruiz in The Fifth Agreement.

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Ah yes, it's been awhile. A long while as a matter of fact. Lots of things going on in the world and in my life. Even some writing, I'm glad to say. Not as much as I'd like, but even that is good. Something to strive for in the weeks, months, years to come.

At present I am looking forward to going up to beautiful Glen Lake and living among writers for a week, and writing. Writing 24/7--or as much as I can while still allowing for eating and sleeping. Unlike years past, I haven't had much time to anticipate or stress over going because I have had a sick kid. But now that she is feeling better, the excitement is starting to fizz. We are doing a silent auction this year and I spent the evening getting my entries ready--and no, I'm not telling what they are--other than that they are so cool and everyone will want to bid on them. I hope.

The other thing I'm starting to think about is the debriefing session I am suppose to lead next week. (Debriefing being where we talk about the writing process.) I'm at a bit of a loss for a topic--not that there aren't a lot of facets to the writing process, but that we have, at one time or another during the many years I have gone to this conference, already talked about them. So I've been hitting the writing/author/agent/publisher blogs hoping something inspires me, or confuses me, or angers me. Hunting for an interesting topic.

Anyone have any suggestions? It gets even harder when you consider we are not all fiction writers. We are not all poets. We are not all trying to get published. We are not all writing for children--or teens--or adults. Sooooo it has to be a topic that applies to all writers.

So far on my list of possibilities:

how to deal with critiques, technology and writing--help or hindrance?, wait time (as in, how long do you let something sit before revision?), exploring different genres, the changing publishing industry and its impact on writers, word ruts and how to get out of them.

Any favorites? Anything other burning questions/concerns you wish someone would talk about with you? (on the topic of writing, mind you!)

Giddy Friday

Today's Mood: Hmm, exhausted by giddy that it is Friday = slaphappy? Today's Music: Random Shuffle. Today's Writing: IFFY (of course--still working on the 2 pages for today--can I count the blog as well?) Today's Quote:

"What's the most positive thing you could tell writers today?" "That it really matters that they write." --from the May/June 2010 Writer's Digest interview with Anne Lamott.

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It's Friday! I can't believe I made it! This week I swore I was going to do a better job at getting up on time so my writing didn't get cut short. The alarm would ring and I'd hit the snooze, still more asleep than awake. 9 minutes later. The damn alarm. Again. This time I'd scrub my eyes, groan, even thrash about and change position. Five more minutes, I'd promise, I'll get up in five. more. minutes.

I did manage to drag my sorry, tired body out of bed 15 minutes earlier than last week. 15 minutes. That's all I could manage. Then the one day the cat had thrown up during the night (can't believe I didn't hear that!), so there went my hard-won 15 minutes, cleaning up cat puke.

It was great to come home on Thursday and read the interview with Anne Lamott. To be told--by a great writer at that--that it mattered if I wrote. Made my day. Made me re-commit to writing every day. I mean, writing 2 pages a day, not just tapping out two sentences only to delete one if not both of them.

And I can't believe how true it is that when I make the time--the story is there. The characters show up. I took my shower last night, so busy thinking about the scene I had been working on just prior, that I all of a sudden realized I didn't know if I had shampooed, conditioned, or both. Then another idea occurred to me (about the beginning of the story). I got out, grabbed a towel and went to jot it all down in my journal before I forgot.

This week I realized I cannot do my best at everything at the same time. This therapy moment might have come about when my youngest daughter asked me, "If you could pick another job, what would it be?" Me: a writer. Oldest daughter: You already are that--it's your second-hand job. (isn't there a passage in the Bible about not letting the one hand know what the other is doing?)

So okay, I give. Uncle. I cannot do my best as a librarian, a mom, a writer, a wife, an exerciser (not sure that's even a word, but I certainly don't qualify for exercise guru or exercise nut), a housekeeper, and a cook. In fact, I'm pretty sure I only have the energy to do my best at one thing at a time. Don't know if I should assign days--oops, sorry honey, today's my day to do my best as a writer, not as a wife--or maybe just settle for doing everything okay.

Good thing Anne Lamott urges me to write those shitty first drafts. Now that is something I can do.

Happy Friday.

Writing pure

Today's Mood: contemplative. Today's Music: IFFY playlist. Today's Writing: IFFY. Today's Quote:

"Writers need to be like Zen students. We require Still Pond. That is, psychic space in which nothing else is happening. If you're a frantic scheduler, it's likely you're carrying around the Burden of Being Everything to Everyone." -Heather Sellers, Chapter after Chapter.

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I've been reading poetry lately in an effort to prime my writing pump. (Which must be working to some degree because I am writing--of course, that could also be due to having writing group (which means I have to have something to share) or Spring Break)

I came across Billy Collin's poem, Purity. At first, I liked it because it was funny. Funny to me anyway. It starts off talking about his favorite time to write--"in the late afternoon, weekdays, particularly Wednesdays."

Then the poet goes on to detail exactly how he goes about writing. Always interested in hearing about someones writing process, I read the poem very seriously.

Get a fresh pot of tea--Hey, I do that!
Take off clothes--okay, that's a little weird. Cold, too. But whatever works.
Remove flesh and hang it over a chair--Oh, so, this is metaphorical. He probably doesn't really take off his clothes, either.
"Finally I remove each of my organs and arrange them on a small table near the window."--I like how he doesn't want "their ancient rhythms" interfering with his writing.
So he's now ready to begin, nothing but a skeleton at a typewriter--whew, what's the pub. date on this? 1991. Okay, yeah. Bet he uses a computer now.

And then comes the stanza that cracks me up:

I should mention that sometimes I leave my penis on.
I find it difficult to ignore the temptation.
Then I am a skeleton with a penis at a typewriter.

Okay, that picture in my head is so funny I have to go down and share it with my husband. He thinks it's kind of weird. Mildly amusing, but weird.

Collins goes on to explain how he writes "extraordinary love poems, most of them exploiting the connection between sex and death."

I think about that for awhile. Sex and death. The primitive drive for life, or continuance of life, and the unavoidable journey toward death.

The poem continues, and the poet talks about how he eventually removes his penis too. "Now I write only about death, most classical of themes in language light as the air between my ribs."

It doesn't come to me until later that Collins is talking about the process writers undergo of getting outside of themselves, their own preconceived ideas, thoughts, experiences. And maybe, truly the hardest part is getting outside of our perception as males or females. I suppose I see things in a certain way because I am female--and often I am unaware of how that influences what I perceive.

Do you think it is important to try to step outside ourselves as we write? To take off our clothes, hang up our flesh, remove our organs--maybe even our sex organs? Is this even possible?