Books choose their authors; the act of creation is not entirely a rational and conscious one. -Salman Rushdie
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All writers have to deal with rejection. The more I have read and learned about writing, the more I have learned that to be a writer means you will have to deal with rejection. What I am still struggling to figure out, is how to deal with it.
The first rejection I got after sending out Black Dragon was like a stone thrown directly at my head. My manuscript wasn't any good. In fact, it was pure shit. Why, I wasn't any good either. Not a good writer. Not an interesting enough person to write anything interesting. The loop in my head was entirely personal and negative. I didn't write for a week.
But after several more rejections (which goes to show you there is something to the exposure to violence/rejection leading to a certain numbness theory), I developed a tougher skin. The editor/agent didn't like my work, but he/she was only one opinion. My work could be tighter, more polished, but it wasn't total shit. Still a negative loop, but not quite so personal. I didn't write for a day.
After many more rejections (and this is including the "good" (now there is an oxymoron for you!) rejections), the loop in my head sounds more like: My manuscript hasn't reached the right person yet. Where should I send it next? I struggled to get up with my alarm this morning, but it might have been due to staying up too late reading last night.
But I can't stop the disappointment. I mean, I knew that worrying about 2 publishers both wanting the piece at once was a dim almost impossible thing. Yet my mind went there. And seeing in black and white that one of them doesn't want it, still fills my stomach with a heavy disappointment. It was only through talking with my wonderful writing friends that I can manage to avoid the "maybe I'm just not that good a writer," loop.
So should we manage to crush that voice that whispers the "maybes"? Should we just drop the dream of getting published and say, oh well, it doesn't matter if I ever get published?
I don't think so. If I didn't care whether I was published or not, I probably wouldn't spend the time or money trying to get published. So, I have to care, but not make publishing the cornerstone of my writing. I need to write because I love to write. I need to dream about publishing in order to get the guts to keep submitting.
And I really, really need to listen. To my heart. To my writing friends when they tell me my writing is working. To the publisher/agent when she/he says it is good, just not what they are looking for. And most of all, I need to keep writing.
5 comments:
Sarah;
Oh do I know rejection!! When I lost my column the new editor didn't even have the decency to write or call me. He just sent an e-mail after I submitted my column ahead of the deadline. I questioned my worth as a writer too. It took a long time to get back to it, even though I told myself every day he's only one person and one opinion.
We can't give up, no matter the set back or length of time we beat ourselves up. Not if we're writers. You know you write well and you will find the right editor/publisher. Keep writing, sending out manuscripts, and hang in there.
Thanks Larry! It helps to have writers keep telling me that. I mean, I know it, but I need to keep hearing it.
I found writing my rejection poetry piece for the Khardomah read around to be cathartic...it's all just lines from rejection emails from agents. Picking apart the emails and rearranging them in poetry form really allowed me to laugh about it and see how it's so not personal.. Here's an encore...I called it "Dear John":
I wish I were now writing with better news
wish I could send an encouraging word
but I must make difficult decisions everyday
I have been going back and forth in my head over this
and as I feared
I am not the right person.
I’m just not enthusiastic enough
and it’s impossible if I’m not enthusiastic.
Despite my initial interest,
We did not connect as much as we would have liked
we ultimately did not fall in love.
I must be highly selective,
and so I will step aside.
Hope you are not disheartened.
I recommend you pursue others,
and wish you the best as you continue down the road.
Persistence pays off, so don’t give up!
After all, it just takes one “yes” to find the right match.
I think you’ll go far,
you might already have a bestseller in your hands,
But it’s not for me.
Me, too, Sarah. It's so easy to get discouraged. "If writing was easy, everyone would do it." We put our souls into our writing, not to mention the work to find just the right word, phrase, not too many cliches or passive sentences, to mention just a few, Then to have our hopes dashed is discouraging. But we fight on, revising, reworking, and re-committing.
Stehhinie;
A very creative use of rejections and shows there's a silver lining in even the darkest clouds.
Stephanie,
That was great! Made me laugh because I too have seen some of those lines. Then again, there are a few I haven't seen--yet. No doubt I'll have my chance.
And, on the plus side, I still haven't heard from the other publisher(the one that said they are still considering it after 9 months) As long as I don't hear otherwise, I can still keep hoping! And if I haven't heard in the next two weeks, they said I can call.
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