Listening to the muse

Today's Mood: Busy. Today's Music: Um, basically nothing. The sound of vacuum cleaning until I sucked up a doll sweater and smoke started coming out along with a burning rubber smell. I turned it off. Today's Writing: nothing until this blog. Today's Quote: I got nothing.

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It's changing time again (not like any part of life isn't full of change) Gone are the late nights (or they should be anyway) since my alarm is going off in that early gray light before morning. Gone are the Mike's Hard Lemonade because I'm so tired that if I have alcohol I'll fall asleep. Gone are the "what are we going to do today" discussions/possibilities. BUT the scheduled writing time is back, the kids are separated, spending time with friends their own age, and therefore when they are together, they fight less. (Supposedly. Hopefully.)

Anyway, I blame the changing lifestyle on why I haven't written much this week. I'm thinking about Black Dragon most of the time. Back ground thinking, you know. The kind that scrolls through the back of your brain like those announcements that scroll along on the bottom of the TV screen. Every now and then it flashes and I focus on it for a little while, maybe even write something down. But most of the week I've been busy focusing on why in the hell are they tearing about the building to figure out the cable system NOW when the building has been EMPTY all summer!? Or how am I supposed to meet everyone's needs when I am only getting 6 new projectors and I need 9?

I titled this post Listening to the muse because I do need to focus on what is scrolling through my mind--and I need a place and time for that listening. Which I'll get next week at the daunting hour of 6:30 a.m. every school day. But I also wanted to think about what happens when I get a lot of opinions--usually different opinions--about what I am writing. I've had a number of people read Black Dragon and each of them have opinions on what I should change. Now, believe me when I tell you they all mean well. They all approach it with a "I wonder what would happen if....." They are all aware that I am the author and so I decide if I want to change it or not.

The problem is me. I am looking for the "RIGHT" way to tell the story. And because I'm not always sure what that is (read "I'm almost never sure what that is") I often go along with making the changes. Especially if the reader is confident of what should be changed.

Don't get me wrong, this has often made the story stronger. It's just that, after awhile and a lot of different opinions, I need to stop and take time to listen to what the story is telling ME. I get to where I almost don't want to share it for awhile. Does anyone else feel that way? Is it just me not wanting to work hard and change things?

I don't know, I guess I just wonder if there is certain times when you should seek the opinions of others, and certain times that you shouldn't. Not that there are hard and fast rules or anything--or even if there were rules, all rules are made to be broken. Sometimes I feel like I have to work on two different things at once--one that I don't mind sharing and getting feedback, and the other that I want to keep to myself for now.

Anyway, hope you all have a great holiday weekend. Enjoy the hot weather (now that school is starting. Figures.)

First sentence funk

Today's Mood: Good. Today's Music: Sarah McLachlan--Afterglow Live. Today's Writing: working on revising Black Dragon. Today's Quote:

Which brings us back to perhaps the two most BASIC PRINCIPLES OF WRITING:

1. Execution Is Everything.
If you can figure out how to do anything well, you can do anything.

2. Never Say Never.
If you can figure out how to do anything well, you can do anything.
-Editorial Anonymous

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How much does that first sentence matter? It should capture the reader's attention, pull him/her in and make him/her want to read more, and set the tone/mood of the story. No small feat. In fact, it's putting me in a funk. I have started BD fifty different ways, and I can't say that any of them start with "a sentence you remember forever." But then again, I can't say I remember any first sentences other than "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times." And "In the beginning..." So hey, maybe as long as I get a STRONG first sentence, I can quit worry about the best ever category.

Obviously in the rough draft stage all I need is a sentence that pulls me in, but it's different when revising. Now I have to try to think like a reader. Of course, every reader is different which is why some people in my small group like one thing and others liked something different. My head is starting to spin and I haven't even had a drink! Yet. I bet I might like my writing better if I did drink.

How much do you think the first sentence matters? Do you have any favorite first sentences?

Marketability

Today's Mood: Focused. Today's Music: None yet--but I'll put the music library on shuffle while I write. Today's Writing: Going to work on revising Black Dragon as soon as the kids are off to daycare. Plus I have a few essays I want to send out. Today's Quote:

"My world--my rules." -Robyn Ford reminded me of this. Don't know if she got if from somewhere or made it up, but it is a great reminder for a fiction writer.

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The camping trip was not one that will go down in the record books--either as good or bad. We spent several hours on Sunday in a doctors office in Traverse City due to swimmer's ear, but other than that, it was a fairly uneventful trip. Oh, except I lost the keys to the camper the day before we left so we almost didn't go. However, I eventually found them in the cupboard with the potatoes. All I can figure is that I scooped them up with the bag of potatoes and dumped them both in the camper cupboard. Sigh. That's what happens when I get crazy trying to do fifty things at once. And really, I have to blame that on the book Breaking Dawn. It kept me up until 4 a.m. and then I still had to finish it on Tuesday when I was supposed to be packing.

Since I've been back, the dilemma has been what do I work on? Should I try to gather up the story threads to IFFY and continue pounding out that rough draft? Or, since that story has migrated so far away from me, should I let it go for now (I do have enough written that I won't LOSE it entirely) and work on getting Black Dragon revised so that I can get it out there again?

I had a long conversation with T. McDonald and she told me about this non-fiction class she had taken. The instructor encouraged the people to work on the piece that was "most marketable." Which, in my case, would be Black Dragon because that is the closest to being "finished." Which is defined as the closest to being able to be sent out to agents and editors.

And so. Today I will pull BD out, dust it off, and get revising. What I need to remember is that it is my fictional world. I can make it whatever I want. That may sound like a no-brainer to you, but I am so bound by reality. I need to make a big sign with "My world-my rules" and set it up on my desk so I remember it always. Reality is what you make it, after all. So I need to shake off the real world. Shake it off, girl, shake it off!

Away

Today's Mood: STRESSED! Today's Music: soundtrack to Juno--yup, I am a vampire! Today's Writing: None--that might be why I'm stressed. Today's Quote:

"People want all the answers before they actually do the writing. But it's in the process of writing that you discover where you're going to go with a memoir."
-Natalie Goldberg

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Just thought I'd send a quick note telling you all to write hard while I'm away camping. Not writing. In a small, one room pop-up with my family. All week. With no alone time to write. I brought a journal and sketch pad and hope that saves me. Of course, it will probably be wonderful and fun and adventurous and .... I need more sleep before I can believe all that. Packing really does stress me out.

Anyway tell me what you've been up to while I'm gone!

How to crush an ego

Today's Mood: Ranting at myself. Today's Music: None yet-but my sister-in-law lent me the soundtrack to Juno and said I should give it a listen. Today's Writing: so far just this. Today's Quote:

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." -Somerset Maugham.

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A friend of mine was grieving and I had in mind to paint her a picture and write a poem (or something that resembled a poem) to go with it. Of course, the stars had to align just right in order for me to brave the painting process. I did the background first and then two more weeks went by before I attempted the actual painting. And when I got done, it looked like what it was--a novice painting of daffodils in the snow. After leaving it sit for a couple of days (and staring at it enough that my husband finally was inclined to give me his two-cents worth about what the problem was with it--which was tremendously helpful since I knew something was not right but wasn't quite sure what), I took out the paints again, touched it up a bit, and then called it done.

So, then comes the ego. I got all freaked out about sending it because I didn't want my friend to think I thought it was some great painting that she should frame and hang on the wall. I decided to scan it into the computer and then print it off as a card--that way it didn't matter if she didn't think it was a great picture because it was just a card. I went to work to scan it and while I was there, I got talking to my principal about the painting and my fear of sending it because I really didn't think it was "good enough."
"Here's the thing," she said. "If you send the original, your friend has the choice of whether or not to hang it up. A card is nice, especially since you made it, but it doesn't give her the option. And I'll tell you this, I have a friend who is an artist. Yup, he's not Picasso, but when he creates something for me, it means just as much to me--because HE MADE IT."

I thought about that, and in the end, I took the risk and sent the original painting. I had to fight down the urge to send a note explaining that it wasn't really a great painting but here's what it means. Again I took a big breath and just sent it with a simple note--not trying to explain it, not trying to belittle it. Just telling her I wanted to send this to her because it said what my words couldn't.

As an artist (whether I'm talking writing or painting or drawing.....) it is so difficult for me to get my ego out of the picture. It gets in the way of my writing, making it difficult to write because it might not be good enough. It gets in the way of my sharing/ sending out/ giving away because it might not be good enough. Granted, the whole publishing process is good at making me constantly question whether my writing is any good, but there is a place for that--and it is not in the creation stage.

We teach our kids to be humble, but how do we teach ourselves that saying our stuff isn't good enough is often the opposite of humble? It's ego. It's being afraid other people will judge it (and therefore judge US), and find it wanting, and we can't deal with that.

I'm trying to practice the art of allowing myself to write crap. But I find it extremely difficult. Despite loving to write, it is still easier NOT TO WRITE, than to write and have it not be any good. This novel I'm working on, I didn't outline this time. I know the basic conflict, the basic ending, but I wanted to allow it to go places unplanned. It might kill me. The last two days I'm just so totally sure that it all sucks and is going no where. I want to quit--but I can't. Because quitting is another thing I don't do well. And because I hate to suck and write crap, I spend more time drawing, and finding out that I suck at that too. And now the crap is so deep I'm drowning in it. The really good thing about that, is I FINALLY start to not care. Maybe the fumes kill the ego, I don't know. Whatever. I don't care. I'm just going to write and draw and paint BECAUSE I LIKE TO. So there. Take that you stupid ego!

Shot in the arm

Today's Mood: Amiable. Today's Music: The Fray--(yup, Robyn, it's new) Today's Writing: scraps of dialog from IFFY (the scene just popped in my head during my shower. I LOVE SHOWERS! Somehow they help wash the good stuff out onto the page.) Today's Quote: (Oh, the pressure!)

"Writing amounts to creating an oversized clay model; editing is the removal of the excess clay to reveal the piece inside." -Mystery writer Archer Mayorin "How I Write" The Writer August 2008

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I love my small writing group. Just when I'm in my most doubting mood, the writing going slower than the slugs in my garden--and leaving something similarly slimy and disgusting in its wake, it comes time to meet with my writers' group. I agonize over what to bring (do I bring something I think is really good and risk getting my bubble popped? Or do I bring something sluggish and risk having them throw me out of the group?). But when I see the other members of the group, they greet me as a writer, and suddenly, I see myself as a writer again. We get down to work and read and comment and hone our craft. And I come away from group so pumped up that it doesn't matter if I need to do some major rewriting, because I'm a writer damn it! That is what I do. I write and rewrite until I get it as polished as I can.

Last night I received what I think is the best compliment anyone has ever given me about my writing. I had read my piece and the group had discussed it, so it was my turn to talk. I asked if anyone thought the word dark was over-used in the piece (it was), and Shelly said, "Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention because I was so engrossed in the story I was reading ahead. You weren't reading fast enough for me; I had to find out what happened."

To heck with the overuse of dark, she just made my day/month/year! I went home and my mind was clicking away on new scenes and ideas. As my mother would have said--what a shot in the arm! Thanks group! You are the best.

Hypothetical Question

Today's Mood: Calm. Today's Music: Coldplay-Rush of Blood to the Head. Today's Writing: messed around with an idea for a poem. Nothing more than a mess at the moment. Today's Quote: (I just spent 20 minutes surfing around trying to find a great quote. Caught myself watching a Drunk History video on UTube, thought, how the heck did I get here? And gave up.)

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I've got a hypothetical question for you--well, maybe two actually. Say there was this fortune teller who is NEVER wrong (obviously this is one part that makes it hypothetical--you cannot cheat and say that maybe the fortuneteller was wrong. She wasn't. Trust me), and she could tell if you would someday be a published author. Would you want to know? AND, if the fortune teller's answer was no, would you keep writing?